7:52 PM
*I love to play Guitar Hero.
*Someone that made me laugh today was Caden.
*Last night I stayed up until 12.
*If I could move somewhere else, I would move to Holland.
*I prefer texting over calling.
*My birthday is in October.
*My favorite soda is Sunkist.
*I wish I was in Chicago for a visit.
*I'm more of an individual than an outgoing person.
*I can't spend a day w/o my cell phone.
*The last person I hugged was Amanda.
*I feel good about life in it's current state.
5:15 PM
A bit of what I'm reading from "Who Has Your Heart" by Emily Ryan. This particular bit really spoke to me today:
The mountains are where God dwells, and running to the mountains is like running to the arms of our Father. We need only to open our eyes to the One who draws us there. To the One who made the mountains.
The mountains provide a place of isolation, a place seperate and private from the pleasure of daily living. In the mountains you are free from sudden interruptions, distracting noises, and unwelcome guests.
There are no cell phones in the mountains. No email. No televisions.
Just you, and silence, and God.
Being alone and being still are sometimes not enough. In order to make the most of your mountain moments, you must realize that proximity to people is not the issue. The issue is your proximity to God. Having a true mountaintop experience does not involve your being alone with your thoughts; it involves your being alone with His thoughts. For it's in the silence that God sometimes speaks the loudest.
The Lord promises us that if we go to the mountains, He will appear. The mountains are His dwelling place and it is there that He reveals Himself to us. "Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountian, the the place where you dwell" (Psalm 43:3)
We must run to the mountains, confident that the Lord will meet us there just as He promised.
We must pray
We must praise
"Exalt the Lord our God and worship at His holy mountain, for the Lord our God is Holy" Psalm 99:9
It's easy to worship and praise and sing to God when all is going according to our masterplan. But genuine worship is not convenient worship - it's constant worship.
Going to the mountains regularly will allow us to experience God's provisions firsthand. I look ahead another two, five, or ten years of being single and think I don't have what it takes to make it. And I'm right. I don't have what it takes to make it through another summer filled with couples showers and June weddings. But I do have what it takes to make it through today because that's how God provides. He provides what we need when we need it and as we need it.
When God calls us to the mountains, it's because He wants us to see things from His point of view, and God always sees the big picture. He sees the forests when all we see are trees. He sees the city when all we see is traffic.
He sees eternity when all we see is today.
There's nothing magical about meeting God at the mountains. The events leading up to our circumstances don't undo themselves. The people who've wronged us don't disappear. The outcome of our situation doesn't change. However, when we meet our God at the mountains, something miraculous does happen. Suddenly, we're no longer blinded by the details of our every day problems. The fog lifts and the horizon stretches and gradually we begin to see things from God's perspective rather than from our own. Little by little, the big picture slowly comes into focus and our eyes adjust to discover a world and a play that is greater than we could have ever imagined.
Because we live in a fallen world, we will experience negatives in our lives. Heartache and disappointment will come our way. We experience "stuff" we don't deserve, don't want and can't send back. It's ours. But thanks be to God, nothing happens in this world that He doesn't know about and that He can't handle. Regardless of the hurts you experience in life, you know Someone Who has the power to take those negatives and turn them into positives. You know Someone Whose holy powers aren't hindered by agenda, by fear, by doubt, by whining, by complaining, or by other people's opinions. Nothing can negate Jesus Christ's power to bring healing and peace. ~Thelma Wells
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall NOT be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I the Lord am with you."
Isaiah 43:2
9:14 PM
Tonight, at the very beginning of choir rehearsal, during prayer time, I was sitting near Nicole. She asked if I'd like to pray with her and Jack (her very adorable dog). To this, I replied, "Out loud?" I have to pray out loud? After 6-7 years... and a few before that... I still can't pray out loud. It's a sensitive issue... I feel like I felt in high school when I was asked to improvise in jazz band - everyone else is so much better at it... I'll just leave it to them. I know that's not the right response but I feel so vulnerable. I understand that Nicole would be the last person to say or even think that I suck at praying...
I think that's why I began to cry. I knew that I couldn't (not that I can't.. just that I wouldn't) pray out loud so I just cried... and while maybe she didn't understand how someone couldn't pray out loud, she was comforting. I do pray aloud when I'm alone... and I always sing too. It's such a personal thing... and sometimes I can't find the words... and sometimes it's so hard to stay focused.
I feel bad that I just let loose like that in front of Nicole.. poor thing... she didn't see it coming and she definitely didn't mean to make me cry... it wasn't even her that made me cry.. I think it was inevitable.
On the way to choir rehearsal, I was thinking about how happy I've been and how I'm finally getting over some hurts. I felt really good... I was listening to K-love and I heard someone say one little word... bruised or burdened... something of that nature and my heart began to ache a little bit. I couldn't think why it was aching... but it was.
After we began singing, I started think about the things happening in my life right now - moving, finding a job, saving for a new car... all really stressful things... mostly the finding a job. I've been recently asking myself over and over again if I'm cut out for the world of teaching. I find myself saying that I'd like to stick to teaching band but orchestra will definitely have to fall away. I'm not knowledgable enough.. and again, I should just leave it to someone who can do it better.
But, today, I felt God pushing me towards a job that is band and orchestra. I felt myself resist... and I still feel it... but I'll go for it and see what happens. Like Nicole was telling me tonight... God takes care of the birds... am I not more important than them? God will provide... ALL MEANS ALL.
Feeling a sense of inadequacy - I'm left trying to find out how God has made all mean all in my life. During Robert's sermon, he seemed to have so many examples of how bad things turned to good and I feel like I have none - Nicole has challenged me to find some of those things... to "treasure hunt my past." I've begun to think... for some pains, I think I have the answers... for others... the Lord hasn't told me why. Until then, I will sit quietly and listen.
I wait for the Lord - my soul waits!
6:49 AM
Our final concert of the year is tonight! 6 O'Clock... if you would like a ticket... call me! We'd love to see you there!
3:14 PM
Our last concert is on Monday.
There are 7 days left in school.
I couldn't be more thrilled.
4:15 PM
Random thoughts:
I never realized teaching would be so much like babysitting...
Why do kids think they can call you a f*ing liar?
Why do people say they love you if they don't?
They say time heals everything .. I'm still waiting.
Until then... some Sunkist and video games ought to drown out the pain.
10:15 AM
It's been a while since I last blogged and you find yourself feeling the usual, "A lot has happened since I last wrote here."
One thing I have time to write abotu before class starts is age. My kids are constantly bombarding me with questions of age. "How old are you Miss?" is something that I hear on a daily basis. So, to those of you who are wondering... I'm 22.
8:17 AM
Dear Lord, hear the cry of my heart.
I was listening to this song on the way to school today. Dave and Nicole wrote it!
Broken and abandoned
Abused and neglected
Wounded and rejected
That's how I come to you
Seeking some affection
Looking for peace in my condition
Seeking your direction
That's how I come to you
And you say come
All the weary come
All the burdened come
And so I come to you
Come, all the lonely ones
Turn around and run
Into these arms of love
Far away from heaven
Feeling the pain of my decisions
Running from religion
That's how I come to you
Finally you found me
Offered me strength for the journey
Greatful for your mercy
That's how I come to you
Come, all the weary come
All the burdened come
And so I come to you
With open hands
And an open heart
You call to us
To all of us from near and far
And you say come
All the weary come
All the burdened come
And so I come to you
2:09
I want to be a prayer warrior:
To be poetic in my words
To say what I need and to give thanks
To drop down to my knees in any moment
Not to be afraid what others might think
To comfort others when they are wounded.
How do I get there?
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