11:45 AM
I had a feeling I wasn’t going to make it to sing on Sunday morning. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were all late nights for me and Sundaynight, I was going to a concert. If I didn’t sleep in one day, I knew I was not going to be able to wake up early enough to get to school on Monday. So, I woke up around 930 feeling wounded and rejected. So, I packed up my things and brought my suitcase down to the car.
It was really nice outside and Psalm 118 came to my mind – “This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.” So, I decided whatever it was that got me in this funk wasn’t worth keeping me there and I should just get over it… esp. since I couldn’t even figure out why. So, I decided that I needed to go to church… whatever was wrong with me, that’d help. So, I went to the 1110. Got there maybe 10 minutes early and Nicole came and sat by me. "What's your story girlfriend?" I just started crying. She sat and consoled me…
Then, as you guys were singing, esp. That's How I Come to You, I felt so emotional… I sat and tried to figure out what was going on… it felt good to just let go in His presence. So, as I sat, I decided that I was so upset because maybe I’m going through the quarterlife crisis stage of life - Is this what I’m meant to do? Who I’m meant to be? I want to God’s work and be a faithful servant and in my current job, I feel like I can’t do that. That was depressing.
After the choir was done singing, Janella came to give me a hug. She told me that she was there if I needed her. She wore a brown polka dotted shirt. Unless, you're Janella, Nicole, or I, I suppose that doesn't make any sense but it made me smile big time. (I emailed her Monday - what a blessing that became! God works amazingly through us!)
As Robert’s sermon went on, I began to feel better about what I do. It’s not so much what I do but where I do it. Being so far away from home is so stressful at times. Leaving my house and making it to choir rehearsal in less than 20 minutes would be a welcomed change. I want to spend time serving God instead of spending time in my car worshiping Him alone.
After church, I hung out with my folks for a while and then went to Guitar Center with my mom and got a new guitar!! That helped me feel a little better J She asked me if I was sure that I wanted to make such a large purchase and I told her that all I want to do is sit in a park and sing out to God.
Thanks for listening… that was a lot to say… now that it’s all over, I feel kind of silly for being so dramatic. But, I also feel better knowing that I let go and God let God work in my heart.
Today? ...
I will be still and know that He is near. I will rejoice and be glad… God made today… if He is for me, who can be against me?
"It's just one of those days... but, last I checked, this day, this very one, is one that the Lord has made, and I will - in spite of myself - rejoice and be glad in it."
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